I haven’t had time to blog lately; there has been WAY too much going on in my world. But for those of you who care I have decided to give you an update. I celebrated my 27th birthday on the 3rd of this month. I spent the day at home with my boys watching the snow pile up outside of our home; Denver got a blizzard! We measured over a foot in our backyard. I started off the morning with my sweet babies singing me happy birthday and I headed to Starbucks for a birthday latte. Then my mom and Bob brought me my favorite snack foods (reesces, potato chips and french onion dip and more chocolate) and my mom told me how I was born during a blizzard in Illinois. I guess I’m a blizzard baby. Maybe that’s why I like snow and ice cream so much…lol. That night my friend Ashley came over with a bottle of my favorite wine (Cupcake Red Velvet) and we sat on my couch in our pjs and talked and drank and drank some more. It was the perfect end to a wonderful birthday. The next day Nick surprised me with a trip to The Chop House in Loveland with my family and an awesome cirque show! He planned it all by himself!! I was pretty proud of him and my family for not spilling the beans. We had a great time. I think 27 will be my best year yet.
Our kitchen remodel is coming along nicely. Nick has been working so hard. My dining room looks great with the new wall of cabinets and the countertop. I can’t wait for the rest of the kitchen to get done. Demo should begin this week! Everyone else is getting a little antsy too. My mom took a crow bar and hammer to my hardwood floor a few days ago…C & B thought it was pretty cool.
On Valentine’s Day we found out that Bob will be getting another bone marrow transplant. We kind of thought this would happen. We had been praying for Dr. Matous to have godly wisdom regarding treatment and for God to direct our footsteps. We trust that this is the plan God has for Bob and that He will once again bring us through to victory; complete and total healing for Bob is what we expect. Bob will not die, but live and declare the works of God.
On the 16th my left arm started to lose circulation while I was typing a bid at work. I looked down to see my left hand turning blue…it was a little scary. After some convincing by my mom I called my doctor’s office and they told me to get it checked out; I saw my doctor that afternoon. He didn’t seem too concerned that anything was really wrong with me but to be on the safe side he scheduled a doppler for my left arm and neck to make sure there were no blood clots. I had the doppler done the next afternoon. While in the waiting room my left leg and the left side of my face started to feel “weird” again and I was having a mini panic attack. After the doppler I went to my car and called my mom. She told me that all of the symptoms I was having freaked her out and that it reminded her of what Bob told her before he had seizures. She asked me to check my face for droopiness and to call my doctor immediately. So I left a message for my doctor and drove straight home to relax as I was instructed to do. A couple of hours later I got a call back from the doctor on call who told me that my symptoms were most likely caused by a lot of stress. She asked, “Are you under a lot of stress lately?” I told her that I am. She told me to do whatever I could to calm down and relax and to go to the ER if I had any more stroke symptoms or if my symptoms got worse; ie: left side weakness, slurred speech, inability to raise my eyebrows, facial drooping, etc. I got off of the phone with her, opened a bottle of wine and drank straight from the bottle while making dinner for the kids. Nick did his best to keep the boys’ fighting and screaming to a minimum and to make the house a little more peaceful for me. I’m thankful for him. Unfortunately, the numbness, tingling, and headaches haven’t gone away and I am dealing with a bout of TMJ; ahhh the joys of stress. I didn’t even realize how much stress I was under until my body started manifesting all of these symptoms. I guess I have just been functioning under this weight for so long now that it seems normal. It reminds me when I was on bed rest and I was experiencing numbness on my trunk and after C came home after his stay in the NICU I basically had a nervous break down. It’s funny what stress does to the body. I find myself saying, “no weapon formed against me can prosper” as a 24/7 prayer now. I know that I can give all of my worries and stresses to God and I do. I am still learning to leave them at His feet. I will get there eventually. Until then, I am praying and believing that God will relieve my stress and give me peace that surpasses all understanding.
Grandma got another bone marrow biopsy yesterday. We are waiting for good results from her doctor. We know that he will speak sweet words to her. Words that bring healing to her bones and health to her body. We put our trust in God and we will not be shaken. Grandma will be completely healed once again. God is faithful.
Mom, Bob, Katie and I went to a BMT (bone marrow transplant) care giver’s class at P/SL yesterday. One of the nurses that Bob had during his last transplant was teaching the class. She recognized our family and chatted with my mom during the break. She commented on how great Bob and my mom look and on the fact that Katie and I have grown so much. It’s been 8 years. He was just waking up from his coma in February of 2004. I remember because he signed my 19th birthday card from his hospital bed. His signature looked a lot like Connor’s handwriting; a little shaky and unsure. Like he was just learning to write his name…well, re-learning. So many things have changed since then. It seems so strange to be doing all of this again. As I looked around the room at all of the other patients and care givers I couldn’t help but think that we didn’t belong there. We were laughing and joking about the “symptoms of stress” and whispering amongst ourselves about the last time. We already knew what to expect. Instead of listening to the nurses, psychologists and nutritionists I wrote Bible verses all over my paperwork and found myself feeling sorry for the other people in the class with us. Their fear was so evident. It was all over their faces, it was in their tone of voice and the questions they asked. I began to pray silently for God to show Himself to those people. For Him to give them strength to get through this difficult time and for God to love them and heal them. My prayer for those people is for God to reveal Himself to them and for them to know the truth of His word and His love. I want them to be healed but more importantly for them to get to know Him and be comforted by Him and guided through this journey. I will continue to pray for them. Maybe that’s part of the reason we are going through this again. It’s not all about us. God has a plan far greater than Bob’s complete healing. I just want to do His will in all of this. I don’t want to be selfish and only think of my pain and my family’s pain. There are other people hurting and some of them may not know God. I couldn’t imagine going through this without Him. My heart breaks for those families. After the class we got Kardashian/care giver’s rings from the hospital gift shop and joked about our powers combining as we put our rings together; a little Captain Planet reference. Bob didn’t really understand our need for huge, sparkly rings that cost $15 but as always he let us do our thing. We left the hospital and met Jordan for dinner at Strings; Nick had a fever (yuck) so he didn’t join us. We were supposed to discuss the “Five Wishes” but we can do that another time. Instead, we enjoyed a nice meal and a few laughs together. Bob, being the generous person that he is, told me to order french onion soup for Nick; it’s his favorite.
I went home that night and kissed my kids, took care of Nick and went to bed thanking God for my blessings and for the healing we have in store. We will get through this again. We will not be shaken. Our God is greater than cancer. We have faith. We have hope and we have wonderful people alongside us praying and encouraging us ( You know who you are…THANK YOU!!!) Things will be ok. He promised. We just have to walk this out again and we will. We aren’t quitters and neither is God.