After months of asking God to SHOW me that He is moving. After months of begging and pleading for Him to show up and show off; for Him to give me more than the strength to keep my head above the water rising around me. More than His unfailing love to quiet my fears. More than the truth of His Word and the hope of a brighter tomorrow. More than His peace to keep my head from exploding from. I wanted more. I wanted a sign. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for, I am His child. He is my Father who loves me. We have a relationship. He knows my heart, He knows what I need before I do. I am allowed to ask Him to show me that He is moving. So, after waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting…and asking, begging, pleading and demanding…He showed me.
No, He didn’t throw a mountain into the sea. He didn’t come to my house and sit at the foot of my bed and tell me everything would be ok. He just gave me a little sign. He gave me just enough to keep going. Just enough to re-direct my focus, to get me back on the straight and narrow. He did as all loving fathers do, He gave me guidance without force or judgement. He gave me reassurance through Psalm 119:18. “Open my eyes, that I may see wondrous things from Your law.” I have been asking Him to show me that He is at work and He showed me this verse. Since there is always a reason for everything that God does I have chosen to make this my prayer for my family in 2012. I have decided to claim it out loud for us every single day. I know that He will enlighten us and assure us that His promises are at work in our lives. His promises of healing, of hope, provision, favor, peace, joy and protection are at work in our lives. My faith tells me that God is always at work in our lives but God’s nudging toward this particular verse shows me that He will open our eyes so that we will see his work. So that we will see Him moving even if it seems that He is standing still. As I shared this verse with my family yesterday and wrote them a sort of “rally the troops” type of email God spoke to me again. He said, “I hear you. Now hear me. Open your eyes and see that I have not forsaken you. I am moving. Stand on this and you will see.” Ok, He got my message. He heard me loud and clear and He was responding again. I love it when God reaches out to me in such a tangible way. I shared Him with my family and He shared more with me. I decided to share more of Him. I reached out to some people who I know have been hurting to remind them that there is hope for them too. That God hears them and their cries will not go unanswered. Just as God heard my cry and saved me, He hears their cry and He will save them. God loves all of His children and He knows all of our hurts and fears and He will not forsake us. He wants to comfort us and carry us through our trials but we have to let Him. We have to open our eyes and our ears to Him. We have to soften our hearts to Him and take down our defenses. We have to let Him in so that the healing and restoration can begin.
I kept mulling over my revelation yesterday. Devouring every last bit of hope and strength it gave me. It felt so good to drink it all in and feel myself come alive. A familiar flame began to burn inside of me. Instead of feeling anger toward my fellow-man and God I began to feel a righteous indignation. How dare satan think he can do this to my family. How dare he put us through this again. We are God’s children. God is a mighty warrior and He will win this fight for us once again. We will have victory through Christ our Savior. Satan can go to hell and I’d love to be the one to send him there. You get the picture; I remembered who the enemy was. The fight inside of me isn’t dead. I was just going through a rough patch and instead of letting God help me I was pushing Him away. I won’t push Him away anymore. The more I meditated on God’s Word and spoke to Him in prayer the more hope began to rise up within me and I began to hear him say, “See Me. See Me.” See You? See that You are moving? See that You have not forsaken me? See that You are always with me even in the dark places? I see, God. I see that You are here. Is that what You mean?
A few hours later I still hadn’t figured out exactly what God meant by, “See Me” but I had gotten distracted. I was enjoying my kids; watching them play super heroes and run around the house like they were on speed. I just spent time soaking them in and thanking God that I got to watch C do his latest “Spidey moves” and hear B’s belly laugh. I was living my life and not thinking about it; it felt good. Then my mom called. She and Bob had gone to church and apparently the service was amazing. I was sad that I missed out but she shared some pretty insightful things with me. She told me that Sarah spoke about seeing God and not the problem. AHA!!! See God and not the problem. See God. See Me. Thank you mom for going to church. I get it now. God wants me to see Him instead of my problems. He wants me to focus on Him, to meditate on His Word and let the rest fall away. She also said that Jehovah Jirah (God our Provider) literally translates to He Sees. He sees me. He knows where I am and what I am going through and He has a plan. He is in control.
I feel so much better. I am not having a faith problem. I am having a vision problem. I need to change my focus. I need to see God. I’m pretty sure I wrote a post about that a couple of months ago. About how I need to change my focus and keep my eyes on God and not my problems. He is reminding me to change my focus. He sees where I am but more importantly He wants me to see where He is. To see that He is with me, He is moving on my behalf. He has given me the tools to overcome anything that stands up against me.
Thank you God for not losing Your patience with me. Thank you for using the people in my life to help me get more of You. Thank you for this journey that I am on. I may not like my circumstances and I may not always be happy in my suffering but I am learning. I am learning more about myself and more about You. Everything is coming together and I know that You will complete the good work You started in me. You are so cool, God. I love you and I’m sorry for the way I have been behaving. I’m working on it…