Focus…

My life is spinning out of control.  I am forever spinning and screaming and nothing changes.  No matter what I do or say it stays the same.  I’m stuck.  Ten steps forward and 15 steps back.  Day in and day out.  Everything runs together.  It’s all a blur.  It becomes so draining to fight it that I just let myself slip away.  Like I’m an outsider watching my life flash by me.  It’s almost comforting in a sick way.  It’s easier to give up.  To stop struggling and just let my feet slip out from under me as I’m dragged away. 

I just don’t understand how the few bad things in this life feel like they weigh so much when the millions of good things are as light as a feather.  The good just gets blown away in the wind when a storm comes.  I wish I could anchor it down and just wrap myself in it.  I want to be washed clean of the dirt of this life. 

My life’s lens is focused on everything negative and I just keep zooming out to let more in my view.  Bob is sick.  Grandma is sick.  Katie is sick.  Work is slow.  I don’t have a reliable babysitter.  I don’t have enough money.  I need to re-adjust my view.  I’d like to zoom in on my kids and the joy they bring me every second of every day.  Or the amazing family that I have.  Or my AWESOME GOD!  He does so many wonderful things for me every single day.  I am so thankful for my blessings and I have so much joy in this life but somehow the enemy always gets me to change my focus.  As soon as my focus is changed my joy is gone and I feel like I am drowning in a sea of problems.  I know Jesus is my rescue boat.  He is my life saver.  I need to keep my focus on Him and allow everything else to just fall away.  I want to live continuously in thanksgiving for all that I have and forget about my problems.  In God’s eyes my problems are so small and He is the answer for all of them. 

God help me!  Show me how to change my focus; re-direct my mind.  I want to glue my eyes to you.  I want to set my heart on you and let Your peace envelop me.  I want to breathe You in and exhale the crap of this life.  Overpower me with Your love and wipe everything else away.  Make me clean and new.  Show me how to continuously see this time as a gift.  I want to be content exactly where I am.  You have blessed me with so much, God.  I’m sorry that I have been so ungrateful.  I’m sorry that I have let the enemy deceive me.  I want to change.  Change me.  I am an OVERCOMER in Christ.  I will not be overcome.  I am courageous and strong.  I will not fear for You are with me; You are my strength.

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal,” 2 Corinthians 4:18.

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