I wouldn’t consider myself a super, self-conscious person but I do have my moments. I have often thought that there may be something wrong with the way my brain works. Seriously, sometimes I feel like a total freak.
For example, I LOVE music and I listen to it ALL day long. While I’m listening to songs I imagine them, written out, flowing through my head. I choose random words and just spell them, over and over and over. I fantasize about words. This cannot be normal! I walk around spelling things to myself and picturing words. The craziness doesn’t end there, oh no, I am way weirder than that. I imagine what the image of the word would look like, what it portrays and I associate it with other comparable words. For example, “like” and “lick” are similar words. In my mind I sometimes picture a sucker for the word “like” and then that makes me think of the word “lick”, “lick” makes me picture a tongue. You get the picture.
Another example of my strangeness is my inability to stop my inner dialogue from spilling out of my mouth. It’s like I don’t have a filter or something; my impulsivity makes it nearly impossible for me to think before I speak. This often causes people to think that I am somewhat ditzy. My uncle used to call me Jan Brady in high school, always taunting me with, “Marsha! Marsha! Marsha!” (as he taunted, his head would bobble from side to side and he got this spacey look on his face). Another uncle of mine dropped his cell phone in the Lake of the Ozarks. My first question was, “How do you check your messages?” I clasped my hand over my mouth no more than 2 seconds after that boneheaded remark escaped my lips. No wonder people think I’m ditzy.
My husband tells me that I am “A Habitual Line Crosser”. I always take jokes to the next level, I go above and beyond, I am “that girl”. Honestly, I am driven by some invisible source, some ridiculous need to get a rise out of people. I love shock value, I MUST HAVE the last word. I don’t want to offend anyone with my surprisingly dirty mouth so I will keep my example somewhat clean. Instead of telling my husband that he is a poop head (yep, I resurrected that insult from my elementary school days) I will say something like, “you’re a poop stained, vomit filled, disease ridden booger stuck to the bottom of a decaying carcass”. Unfortunately I still think poop is a funny word. It’s a wonder I ever keep a straight face while reprimanding my 3 year old for making obnoxious poop rhymes or for saying the word over and over in a variety of silly voices.
Lets just say my mouth has gotten me into some trouble in my day. I won’t even go into the havoc I wreaked on my parents during adolescence, or the punishments that insued. I’m a mom now, I’m supposed to be composed, mature, and eloquently spoken. Therefore, I won’t disclose my history of reckless ramblings…just yet. You will just have to trust me, this mouth of mine has a mind of it’s own.
On the bright side, my flightiness and impulsivity often lend to creativity, especially in regards to writing; I am a true journaling junkie.
So, maybe I have found a way to turn these little quirks of mine into blessings. God, please teach me to guard my tongue. Give me the mind of Christ and guide me in harnessing my energy, and honing my gifts; let them bring you glory. God, teach me to use my talents for honorable causes because I want to bring you good, not harm all the days of my life; continue to discipline me and direct me in your ways. I am yours God, use me. Thank you that I am indeed, wonderfully woven.